By K.H.

This article is not exactly about sex, guys. But in reality you do get more sex by loving your wife more - by making her feel cherished. This is all about how to improve your marriage, and to be the man of her dreams.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33

We are commanded to love our wives. Also note here that our wives are supposed to respect us, but it does not say that we are to make her. We can control ourselves, but we can't control our wives.

Be a man of God

One of the best things that you can do it to become more like Jesus. If you have never accepted Jesus as your savior, now is a great time. If you don't go to church every week, start going. If you do go to church, but don't read your bible on a regular basis, then start reading a few days a week. One of the best ideas is to have quiet time with God every day. Most people prefer the mornings. Guys, you are the spiritual leader of your house. Your wife wants you to lead. Don't let her down. Start having a family devotion time every day. What works for me is that my wife and I get up early every weekday and spend some time reading sitting next to each other and reading our bibles or a devotion book over coffee. We do not read the same thing, but we read and pray separately.

Eliminate Major Sin

Hopefully most people reading this can skip this section entirely. But, if you have a major recurring sin in your life, it will kill your marriage. Things like adultery and addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or pornography are major obstacles that need to be overcome. If you are truly blessed with a wonderful woman, then she may stick it out with you, but I guarantee you that you will destroy her little by little. If this describes you, then seek help first from your local church. Your pastor should either be able to help you or direct you to resources where you can get help.

Another wonderful resource is New Life Ministries. They can hook you up with counseling, workshops, and a library of wonderful books. They also have a daily call-in radio talk show which you can also listen to over the internet. For those struggling with sexual purity (and that, more or less, describes all of us), they have a book called "Every Man's Battle" that is worth checking out.

Be an awesome father

Another way to really turn your wife's knees to Jello is to be an awesome father. There are plenty of resources to help with this, including the Focus on your Child section of Focus on the Family. I would love to give you some wonderful advice on this, but I struggle with this one myself. Sometimes I get too grumpy with my young children. I'm giving it my all though, and my wife appreciates the effort.

Read a relationship book

The marriage relationship is so important to women. Be each others recreational companions. Yes, by all means, take your wife shooting, fishing, or hiking. But then pay her back by watching a romantic movie, talking about your feelings, or listening intently to her dreams. One surefire way to score brownie points is to offer read a relationship book together.

We have several relationship books available through our store, but I just wanted to point out one. "The Five Love Languages" is an awesome book. The basic idea is that there are five different ways that people feel love. One person may feel loved when you give them presents. Another may feel loved when you spend time with them. Yet another may feel loved when you give them "acts of service" (do chores for them). If you bring your wife candy and flowers, but she would rather spend time with you and take a walk in the park, then you are wasting your time and money. This book is all about figuring out what your wife really wants. If you read only one relationship book, read this one. By the way, they also have a "Five Love Languages of Children." This falls under the "Awesome Father" section above.

Another book to pick up is "Every Man’s Marriage," also from New Life Ministries. You should also check out anything by Gary Smalley. He has an excellent video series. It is quite expensive, but your church may have a copy.

Also note that most of these books mentioned so far are also available as an audio CD. If you have a long commute to work, this may be just the thing.

Get Dishpan Hands

Some women think that the sexiest thing on a man is dishpan hands so, dive in and offer to do some extra household chores for your wife. Some women may appreciate this more than others (as explained in "Five Love Languages"). Or, you could fix all of the little things that keep on breaking around the house.

Give her a Massage

Some women love to have a nice massage. I am not talking about the sexual kind of massage here. I am talking about a deep massage of the back, shoulders, neck, hands, and feet. Keep your hand off of anything that would be covered by a bikini. Of course, if she wants to make love afterwards, great! But let it be her idea.

Watch a "Chick Flick"

Watch a "chick flick" with your wife. Ask her to choose. If you watch one of these movies with your and actually put effort into enjoying it, your wife will appreciate it. Just brew an extra pot of coffee to keep yourself awake.

Flowers and Candy

Yeah, it sound trite, but some women really love these tokens of affection. It shows you were thinking about them when you were apart from each other. Take time to know her likes and dislikes and put work into a gift that really shows you thought about it.

Listen to Her

Talk to your wife. Spend time together talking. Listening does not just mean listening to her words. It means valuing her opinions and letting her express herself. I did that, and now my wife runs a business selling romantic supplies and sex toys.

Respect Her

After you listen, what do you do with the information? You should always think about how your wife would feel about what you are doing. I made the mistake once of not considering how my wife would feel on a big decision. I once fell in love with a baby ball python at a pet store. I brought this beautiful creature home, and my wife was horrified. Well, I eventually had to get rid of the snake, and my wife's feelings were hurt. If you ever find yourself thinking "it's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission," then you are likely heading for trouble.

Best Friend

Finally, your wife should be your best friend. If you spend more time with your TV, your boat, or your deer stand than you do with your wife, then you should re-think your priorities. All of that other stuff is fun, but time with your wife is both fun and fulfilling.